Hentai for kids; Oral Hygiene Month
Saturday, April 24, 2010 at 12:25 am
A few months ago I received an e-mail asking me if I could draw hentai for school children. I almost didn’t reply because that sounded too much like a hoax. But the e-mail came from an ad agency and it seemed legit. I had nothing to lose by seeing where this would go so I said I was interested. If anything, I would’ve liked to be embroiled in a scandal with demagogue pundits screaming will someone think of the children!
Next the ad agency wanted me to quote a price but couldn’t tell me exactly what the illustration was. It wasn’t their fault, the client wouldn’t tell the agency what it was, except they wanted two androgynous hentai characters. And the price needed to be final. So I overcharged a bit what I thought it could be worth, just to make sure I wouldn’t end up actually undercharging if the work happened to be more than I expected. I didn’t like doing that, but it’s not my fault the client isn’t giving me a full description of what he wants. But in the end, it turns out I charged just the right price considering the work demanded.
Two weeks pass and I don’t hear from the ad agency. I figure they found someone cheaper. I forgot about it but then the ad agency asks for my port folio. Now I got a problem. They want hentai for school children? Really?? Do they know what hentai is? Do they think hentai is a synonim for anime or manga? I don’t want to e-mail a picture of a facial cumshot and freak out the designer. So I e-mail her and ask her if she knows the difference between hentai and anime. You know hentai is porn, right? She asks me to phone her… Getting through the agency’s phone system, now I know this is legit. I talk to the designer. She explains she knows exactly what hentai is and she asked the same question to the client. She told the client that hentai is porn. The client answers, “you’re generalizing”. Uh, no she’s not. Ok, hentai means perverted and it can be something as trivial as a panty shot. But still, hentai is exploitation, it’s a type of porn.
The client’s previous ad campaign didn’t reach kids as much as they wanted. They used childish kids cartoon and nobody cared. So they want something that’s anime, but not childish. They don’t want something like Pokémon. So something more like those Bishounen and shojo or whatever it’s called (too lazy to check Wikipedia). But that’s not hentai. But why do they need to be androgynous? Like yaoi?? And did I hear something about oral sex hygiene??? I’m very confused but at least I know this is serious.
I send a non-porn port folio or my most “anime looking” illustrations. Turns out the client like the one that looks the least like anime… *sigh* But I’m approved and I can start working on the project. I’ve made an animation Gif of the whole (slow and long; you know, bureaucrats) process.
Turns out the client is the Health Ministry. It’s not about oral sex, it’s about preventing bad breath by brushing your tongue. But why are they androgynous?? I guess a boy and a girl can’t be in the same bathroom. And that was the hard part. It’s easy to draw a tomboy or an effeminate man. Or a butch or an obvious trap. But drawing someone you really can’t tell, that’s hard. I’m not sure I’ve succeeded either.
Anyway, I’ve received my paycheck today and the mirror the illustration was printed on was in the envelope. There’s a magnet behind so kids can stick it on their locker’s door. Sorry kids, maybe you’ll get some real government hentai someday.
Categories: Uncategorized
on April 24th, 2010 at 7:36 AM
Ha ha awesome.
People get attached to their own self generated categories. TPG and link list Porn sites for example often have a separate anime and hentai category alongside stuff like “blowjobs” and “blondes” and I’ll be damned if I know what the difference they think is or why one picture is anime and another is hentai, what with both being porn.
And a boy and a girl can be in the same bathroom if they’re siblings I guess.
on April 24th, 2010 at 10:19 AM
Not a school bathroom though.
on April 24th, 2010 at 10:33 AM
Just wait til those kids wonder who made the pic and find your site!
on April 24th, 2010 at 4:11 PM
Dude, I really want one of those mirrors to put in my locker now.
on April 24th, 2010 at 6:26 PM
Haha, wow. That’s the weirdest commission I’ve ever heard of. And dang, you were so close to a national scandal. It would’ve been great.
on April 24th, 2010 at 7:11 PM
That’s a kind of commission that would make my stomach dance “The Blue Danube”: just how much does the client actually know about what they’re asking for?
That was handled well and it appears that it worked out.
on April 24th, 2010 at 8:21 PM
Wow!
At least they don’t ask to brush your teeth after sucking a penis to avoid bad breath…
You should have added some paste on their mouths. :)
on April 24th, 2010 at 8:23 PM
lol oh man just when I taught it was going to get spicy lol
Mr Sirkowski do you at least get to keep and use the art piece for your own or once you made it its now is no longer you yours because this one looks like if you changed it around some could be kind of funny ^_^ like eva and black lol
any case congrads ^_^
on April 24th, 2010 at 8:24 PM
Damn it Sirkowski you should have thrown those poor kids a bone and gave them they porn they were craving.
God know I have learned more from Hentai and regular ol’ porn than I ever learned from those gay public service campaigns.
All I am saying is a little T&A in math and I would have passed freshman Geometry. Maybe if they had given us Spanish tranlated Hentai mags and wouldn’t have fail it….twice.
FUN FACT: I studied Japanese for two semesters, got an A in both classes and barely had to study.
Hooked on Hentai worked for me.
on April 24th, 2010 at 8:25 PM
BTW which one is the girl and which one isthe boy?
on April 25th, 2010 at 12:24 AM
The answer: neither.
Boy, I can remember asking you about this months ago when I first spotted it in your gallery xD. It’s fun seeing it having come full circle.
on April 25th, 2010 at 4:26 AM
That`s incredible. The Canadian government has some interesting methods…
Congrats on the job and a check well deserved.
on April 25th, 2010 at 4:28 AM
BTW What does it say on there? What are the characters saying? I can`t make it out.
on April 25th, 2010 at 6:35 AM
Thats fucking amazing…lmao hentai = generic anime >.>
on April 25th, 2010 at 1:28 PM
I’d say the “androgynous” factor was achived, but not in the final picture at the top of the picture. I buy it more when the one on the left had longer hair or at least gold. The one on the right I can believe as both, but the one left I can’t really view as a girl.
Halarious story none the less; government issued hentai.
And for Tainted Ink and anyone who doesn’t speak french, they’re saying “You brush you’re tongue?” “Yes, to protect against bad hygene”
on April 25th, 2010 at 2:27 PM
concidering it was utimatly a government job u could have goten away with charging alot more. morons in the governmet
i want a hentai style oral hygen picture. anime =/=hentai even picking a not so anime style looking pic.
about half way through reading that i was thinking toothbrush rule 34
on April 25th, 2010 at 3:51 PM
Okay, so the agency knew what hentai was, but their client didn;t. Better than nothing, i guess.
Also, they both actually kinda look like chicks, but hentai had fooled be by that before. “Oh, that’s a dick. is it futanari? No, that’s just a dude. Damn….”
on April 25th, 2010 at 5:04 PM
As long as the balls don’t touch…
on April 25th, 2010 at 9:52 PM
Yeah but who cleans their teeth in a school bathroom? The one I went to wasn’t even fit to shit in.
I guess the hentai content happened before and now they need to wash the taste out of their mouths :)
Anyway you can be pretty suggestive with a tongue only. Not that you need to go out of your way for people with the specific (tongue) fetish to latch onto stuff anyway.
We should totally do an actual oral hygiene month dojinshi, after all, rule34 is unavoidable…
on April 26th, 2010 at 8:21 AM
twiter is the dumbest social networking sight of them all the only use it has had so far is to report natural desasters more quickly which is pretty cool same goes for my space but its only good when 4chan raids some ones page
mini rant over
on April 26th, 2010 at 8:23 AM
oops 4got to mention facebook but the same thing goes for facebook as it does myspace
on April 27th, 2010 at 2:42 PM
I wouldn’t mind having one of those, is there any way you could get some? I don’t really know why but I just love the picture you made for it.
on April 27th, 2010 at 6:29 PM
Unless you get one at school, I don’t think you can get one.
on April 27th, 2010 at 7:40 PM
Haha, great story to tell XD
on April 27th, 2010 at 9:28 PM
I wish my school in America would hand those out. :/ Bt I doubt it.
on April 28th, 2010 at 2:32 AM
i’d say the androgynity (can i even use that as a noun that way?) is achieved, could be young boys, could be young girls, but the client has obviously no idea what hentai is.
on April 28th, 2010 at 5:38 AM
As the artist maybe you can get a set and maybe ebay them for interested peoples
otherwise you’ll have your fans hanging around school bathrooms asking kids if they’ve read the oral hygiene comic and can they have it when they’re finished with it :P
on April 28th, 2010 at 8:17 AM
The client sounds like one of those know-it-all types that generically call all game systems “Nintendo” (or “Playstation”, if they’re not SO old).
@metalangel – I would have been one of those kids bound and determined to find the artist. Would have giggled incessantly when I found this place. Like a dirty secret! ^_^
Sirk, looks to me like, despite improper terminology, you accomplished what they were trying to get at! It also sounds like you should totally do a similar (read: more H version) piece to sell for your fans. First the figures, then a magnetic mirror. Way to step up the merch!
on May 4th, 2010 at 8:18 PM
holy crap! Goverment porn what next?
BTW Tainted ink commented on this???!!! holy crap thats awesome
on September 2nd, 2010 at 4:03 PM
Excellent newsletter